For years there was a lot of worry in my life. I struggled with trusting God during hard times.
During my teenage years, I worried about getting excellent grades, getting into a good university, and choosing the right major. Once I got into a good university and chose a major, I worried about whether or not I had made the right decision to go study in Germany and had a lot of “what ifs…” in my life.
My initial plan was to study in the UK after graduating from high school. And while I got an offer from one of the universities in the UK, I, unfortunately, could not attend because of the political and economic unrest in my home country, Ukraine. I had to choose a cheaper university, and so I decided to study in Germany instead.
But for years I lived with the feeling of disappointment (that I could not study in the UK) and worried that my life was off track, as it didn’t go as I had planned.
But then something happened that changed my perspective.
I realized that I had been telling myself the wrong story. Since studying in Germany was not my plan, I viewed it as somehow inferior to studying in the UK. And so I lived with the feeling of disappointment and had a negative outlook on my future. But then one day I decided to change my story.
What if my life wasn’t really off track, what if God was redirecting me to something better that He had for me? What if Germany was the better option for me? Maybe I just had to trust that God would work out my disappointment for good. The Bible says:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
NIV, Proverbs 3:5-6
The Scripture tells us that we should trust God with our lives even if things don’t make sense to us at the time. We also should submit our plans to Him and trust that He will make our path straight. Honestly, I struggled with that truth at that moment. But now looking back, I can clearly see how it was God redirecting me and how studying in Germany was actually the better option for me!
First of all, I got saved by watching YouTube videos of Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church, the summer prior to moving to Germany. That summer I remember being in my bedroom as a baby believer and the first one in my family to get saved. I didn’t have any Christian friends and didn’t know any churches I could go to. I really enjoyed watching Saddleback worship online and wished I could be a part of a church like the one I saw online. So I prayed and asked God for a church family.
My answer to prayer came in the form of an acceptance letter from a university in Berlin. To my delight, Saddleback Church had just recently opened a campus in Berlin! So moving to Berlin to attend university also meant that I got to attend Saddleback Church – the church whose sermons I had been binge-watching the whole summer! Had I gone to study in the UK and accepted that offer, I would have lived in a small town, and it would have probably been hard to find a church there, and there definitely would not be a Saddleback Church there. Attending the church during my university years really helped me to grow in my faith and knowledge of God’s Word. I don’t know if I would have remained true to my Christian faith while in a secular university had it been not for attending the church and meeting other believers.
Another confirmation was my major. I had applied to study art in the UK, but I knew that if I were to study in Germany I would rather study Economics (my second favorite subject after art), as Germany didn’t seem to have any art programs I liked. My husband actually found me on Instagram while I was studying in Germany. One of the things that really attracted him to me besides my being a Christian was the fact that I was studying Economics – the same as him. So He reached out to me online and we became online friends. One and a half years later we got married! Had I gone to the UK and studied art, my now-husband may have never reached out to me on Instagram!
There were also a lot of other little confirmations that made me realize that it was indeed God’s will for me to study in Germany. The education was free of charge, so I didn’t have to get any student debt. Also, I could stay with family friends and have nice emotional support there from them while I was trying to adjust to a foreign country. Also, when my husband, James, moved from the US to live in Germany with me during my final 2 years of university, God provided a nice, little home for us where we could stay without breaking the bank. It was important because we were both unemployed for the first year of our marriage and staying at the place was the only way we were able to survive financially and not draw down on our savings too much!
I could go on and on about all the things that God had worked out for us in Germany, but the point is that had I just trusted God from the start about Germany, I would have saved myself a lot of worry and feelings of disappointment. Looking back, I can clearly see how it was God’s plan for my life to live and study in Germany for my university years and how He has worked it all out for good. And even the parts that were challenging about living in Germany He used to sanctify us.
I also learned from that experience that I will not immediately see why something is happening or not happening in my life. It’s only in looking back that I can grasp the whole picture and see how God worked it all out for good. And there may be some things in my life which will only make sense once I get to heaven.
The only way we can have peace in this life is by surrendering all parts of our lives to God and trusting Him with everything.
We still need to do our part and take responsibility for the things that God has entrusted us with. But if we notice ourselves worrying about something, and we have done our best in doing our part, then it probably means that we are not fully trusting God to do His part. The Bible says:
NKJV, Psalm 56:3
“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.”
Which areas of your life do you need to trust God with?
